I wish I can have 26 hours in a day….1 more hour to spend with my parents and 1 more hour to think about where do I go from here.
Just now I heard traces of music coming from a kid’s lantern from the corridor…a very nostalgic melody….same to the one that I used to have, I have forgotten how many years back it was then. The melody triggered off memories of the days where I will bug my parents to bring me downstairs to carry my lantern…suddenly I miss being mummy/daddy’s girl…a lot.
I remember the days where my dad will give me goodnight kisses and my mum will cover me and tuck me in bed every night. It is indeed upsetting to realize that these are all the price that I paid to “grow up”, to be independent so that they can worry about me less, to be sensible to ensure them they have been very good parents, and to earn money to give them a better life. It is all inevitable I know, we all have to grow up whether we like it or not.
I hate myself for having drifted apart from my dad (and it really takes me a lot of courage to admit this)…i mean, it’s not that we are on bad terms now, just that we were much closer to each other in the past. This is something that I can never get over. He is still a very good father without any doubts, just that as I become more sensible, I started to disagree with some things he do. Life just has its way of forcing onto people things that we cannot say no to, u know…things just happen like they have never happened before, and changes just take place bit by bit, day by day, until one day when you suddenly realized it, but at the same time also realized that u cannot go back anymore.
Since when did we start to have to find a topic to talk about, and since when have we stopped holding each other’s hands naturally. I have forgotten…
I treasure my parents a lot, not to mention loving them…but despite saying so, I always forget that just by knowing it myself is not enough, I also need to let them know. I mean…I am sure they do know, but I don’t know if what they know is as much as what I feel.
It is a fact that I have drifted apart from my parents, as compared to the past. I don’t want to blame it on growing up and hence having more commitments, or having stayed in the hostel for 2 and a half years, or even because I need to earn money now…no single reason can excuse anyone from neglecting kinship.
I guess, to them, bringing home money will just never be as good as making them cards. Just like how, to me, having them to trust me like an adult is never as good as them holding on to my hands tight for fear I get lost in the crowd.
So, I will try to bring home money and still find time to make them cards for them from now on…
Just now I heard traces of music coming from a kid’s lantern from the corridor…a very nostalgic melody….same to the one that I used to have, I have forgotten how many years back it was then. The melody triggered off memories of the days where I will bug my parents to bring me downstairs to carry my lantern…suddenly I miss being mummy/daddy’s girl…a lot.
I remember the days where my dad will give me goodnight kisses and my mum will cover me and tuck me in bed every night. It is indeed upsetting to realize that these are all the price that I paid to “grow up”, to be independent so that they can worry about me less, to be sensible to ensure them they have been very good parents, and to earn money to give them a better life. It is all inevitable I know, we all have to grow up whether we like it or not.
I hate myself for having drifted apart from my dad (and it really takes me a lot of courage to admit this)…i mean, it’s not that we are on bad terms now, just that we were much closer to each other in the past. This is something that I can never get over. He is still a very good father without any doubts, just that as I become more sensible, I started to disagree with some things he do. Life just has its way of forcing onto people things that we cannot say no to, u know…things just happen like they have never happened before, and changes just take place bit by bit, day by day, until one day when you suddenly realized it, but at the same time also realized that u cannot go back anymore.
Since when did we start to have to find a topic to talk about, and since when have we stopped holding each other’s hands naturally. I have forgotten…
I treasure my parents a lot, not to mention loving them…but despite saying so, I always forget that just by knowing it myself is not enough, I also need to let them know. I mean…I am sure they do know, but I don’t know if what they know is as much as what I feel.
It is a fact that I have drifted apart from my parents, as compared to the past. I don’t want to blame it on growing up and hence having more commitments, or having stayed in the hostel for 2 and a half years, or even because I need to earn money now…no single reason can excuse anyone from neglecting kinship.
I guess, to them, bringing home money will just never be as good as making them cards. Just like how, to me, having them to trust me like an adult is never as good as them holding on to my hands tight for fear I get lost in the crowd.
So, I will try to bring home money and still find time to make them cards for them from now on…
posted by joey at 1:32 上午
2 Comments:
hey, read ur entry on parents etc.
i can never bear to blog out too much on parents, because there are just too much that i felt that i have let them down, esp to my father. Before i can even do anything to make up for my bad attitude, he left. That means i will never have a chance to give him anything, anymore. Sometimes i still hate myself ALOt when i thought of the way i treated him all along. Not that i was on super bad terms, i just wasn't filial enough in my standards considering the condition he was in. I guess i will never get over it and never will forgive myself. This is suo wei de 'ren shen de yi han' ba. So now, i just need to buck up on my r/s with my mum which i feel is not too bad. But i actually dread working full time as it will mean less time with her. I dun wanna grow up, really.
btw for the above comment, just read and ji zai xin shang will do. i dun wish to be asked or reminded of anything. thanks.
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